1.
I used to think that life was an intricate series of levers and pulleys, buttons and switches, Mexican standoffs and hostage negotiations. As I get older I realize that life is more Netherlands minimalist than Jackson Pollock. The problems don’t get fewer, and in fact they grow in number, but the way I index them in the database is different. More problems get filed under fewer category headers.
2.
Monotony’s a virtue for a lullaby. This sort of thing’s all over this piece: Schumann hovering meaningfully around a few notes, only partly hiding the monotony. In other words, each phrase is a kind of act of limitation, of concentration, of choosing; the lullaby is the creation of a hallowed, peaceful space; each phrase, too, is a kind of creation of a single space; finding a fulcrum to swing on, rocking around it, then rocking into another space.
I think a lot about what I would say to the younger version of myself, if I met her in that marble high school hallway, or if I met her when she was sitting at the piano, or I saw her at the automat from across the room. If I met the younger version of myself, we’d take a walk (the same walk I take every day, of course), so I could explain to young me that routine and tradition are paramount. You have to choose a category header but it’s only as permanent as you need it to be, you have to choose a lullaby, and stay with it. Decide. If only for a day or a week. And that there is stillness in motion.
September 2010
Weird start to the year. Im feeling really disconnected with everything here, and Im not sure why. I thought I was going to like having a single but instead I feel ARR ARONE. Furthermore, my hall smells like b.o. and food. I think someone finally had enough of it, because fall-scented febreze is now seeping under the doorway and into my room. laughing/procrasting/coffee-ing/exhausting/exhilirating semester. Ive also realized that I am beginning to dress like a cross between a 50’s housewife and a renaissance princess, and Im not sure how I feel bout that.
The time for meatheads has passed. Jersey Shore has rendered them a thin parody of their former selves. No longer will women (and smaller men) cower in fear at the site of their neck veins and tribal tats. We can watch them be reduced to thin caricatures for our amusement every week on MTV. They…
I MISS LIVING WITH ZOOZOO AND HELLOO KITTY (THATS YOU, KATO)
So school is back in full force.
Love my classes, actually, which is a thrilling change of pace from just liking them. But now that I am this far into school I need to accomplish things..no more just exploring different courses. I have to stick to something. Surprise! Im an English major. It is pretty noob-y because I do not consider myself very good at writing. I just really like writing.
Its funny that I have invented this routine for myself. Half way through the semester Ill be puzzled as to how I have choreographed my life, and realize how bizarre it is that I do laundry on Monday afternoons at 3 alwayysss. I find that I am really missing things right now. I dont really miss things ever. (probs bad) But I am missing home more than usual and wanting to see the people I spent the summer with.
Fall is delicious!
honey and the moon by joseph arthur
Let me not to the marriage of true minds
Admit impediments. Love is not love
Which alters when it alteration finds,
Or bends with the remover to remove:
O no! it is an ever-fixed mark
That looks on tempests and is never shaken;
It is the star to every wandering bark,
Whose worth’s unknown, although his height be taken.
Love’s not Time’s fool, though rosy lips and cheeks
Within his bending sickle’s compass come:
Love alters not with his brief hours and weeks,
But bears it out even to the edge of doom.
If this be error and upon me proved,
I never writ, nor no man ever loved.
